


Vapor

by Somethingorwhatever



Series: i won't give up on you so please lie and say you love me [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, 5SOS - Freeform, Based on a 5 Seconds of Summer Song, F/M, I hope it's good, Riding, Sex, Sexual Content, alright im done, basically they have a mini fight, bye, he has a panic attack, i really want it to be good, it's horrible sex im so sorry, lil bit of if you don't know, part 2!!!, poor calum :(, then they have sex, there's a lot of emotions, vapor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 03:58:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5275676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somethingorwhatever/pseuds/Somethingorwhatever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those words send Calum into an ethereal world. He's diving inside of her and breathing in lungfuls of her love. She's washing over him like the ocean, the rain, the sun. He loves her and she loves him too. She might be lying, but it's such a sweet attempt that he decides to believe it even though the warning voice in his head is screaming for him to stop. He ignores it. He knows that it'll come back to bite him in the ass, but he still ignores it. The words themselves mean way too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vapor

**Author's Note:**

> this is part 2 to waste the night. i hope it all makes sense and i hope you like it. it took a nearly a month to write, but it's here, thank god. 
> 
> p.s. this is severely unedited, i'm so sorry. 
> 
> p.p.s. the sex might also be really bad/rushed, i'm so sorry for that.

 

“I love you!”   
  
The words disperse into the world around them. They swirl around in the air, hitting the trees, dropping into the water, and colliding with each other. Calum swallows. He knows it’s too late to try and take them back.   
  
She stops walking and turns around quickly. “What?”   
  
Calum tries to gauge her reaction by the tone of her voice, but it’s unfamiliar. Her voice is high, breathless, and lacking the usual bass and bravado it normally holds. It’s extremely unwonted. He can’t tell if she's upset, angry, or shocked which isn’t good. He needs to know how she feels before she tells him. If her reaction isn’t the one he’s looking for, his heart will surely jump right out of his chest and he’ll die on the spot. He really doesn’t want to die.   
  
“I love you.” He repeats despite the fear that has now begun to crawl the entirety of his body. She starts to walk towards him and he can’t but wonder if she’s going to jump into his arms or clock him. Calum really hopes that it’s the former.  
  
To his dismay however, she stops several feet away from him and shakes her head profusely. “You don’t mean that. You can’t mean that.” She insists.   
  
“What? Of course I mean it.” His head tilts as confusion crosses his face. “Why wouldn’t I mean it? I love you.” She physically flinches as he repeats those words for the third time and it’s violent. “What’s the matter?” He asks.   
  
“You can’t love me Calum. You just can’t.” She tells him. She looks him in the eye as she says this and he can see that she’s close to tears. If she’s worrying about the reasons behind his love for her, then she shouldn’t. He’s about to make them very clear.   
  
Calum takes a step towards her, a hand outstretched. “Why not? You’re the greatest girl I’ve ever known. You’re kind and you care even though you want everyone to believe you don’t. You’ve been there for me whenever I needed you.” She looks at him, disbelief all over her face.   
  
“That was a few fucking times Calum. Are you saying you’re in love with me because of that?”   
  
“No, I’m-” She cuts him off before he can even try to get a proper answer out.   
  
“Then what are you saying? Do you even know what love is?” Her eyes narrow. It’s like she’s accusing him of lying about his feelings for her. He doesn’t like it. 

“Of course I do.” He licks his lips and closes his eyes. He has to choose his next words very carefully. “I know that love is a choice and an emotion. I know I feel it every time I look at you, every time you touch me, and every time you say my name. I know I feel it when I hear your voice or your name or your laugh. I feel it when I start thinking about you just because I’m wondering what you’re up to. I feel it all over my body whenever I’m near you.”   
  
He opens his eyes, a faint smile on his lips. “Hell, I even feel it when I’m not near you, when I’m halfway across the country or the world. And most importantly, I choose to feel it when I’m with you. I could just suppress my emotions until they go away, but I don’t. I want to feel love when I’m with you. I choose to feel love when I’m with you. You’re what I want. You’re what I need.” He tells her.   
  
"I love you more than anything in the entire world." He tells her. His statement is met with a blank stare. Calum scratches at the back of his head and shifts his weight from foot to foot. She's still not saying anything and it's making him nervous. A minute ticks by. Then another. A third crawls by and he finally speaks up. "Are you gonna say anything?"  
  
She shrugs and glances away from him, looking as if she's debating on whether or not to say what's on her mind. Calum silently implores her to let her thoughts out. He wants to what she's thinking. He hopes it's along the lines of 'I love you' but he won't get disappointed if its something like 'I don't know if I love you yet but I definitely like you.'  
  
"Come on, tell me what's on your mind." He pleads trying to keep the whine out of his voice. She sighs and finally meets his eyes.  
  
"What do you want me to say to that? How am I supposed to respond?" She asks. Worry flays open his chest and squeezes his heart tightly. Its grip is cold.   
  
_Tell me what I want to hear._ "Just tell me something." _Lie to me._   
  
She shakes her head, raven hair flying about her face. "No." Worry readjusts its grip and squeezes even tighter. Its beginning to hurt.   
  
"What do you mean by that?" He chokes out. The voice in his head is telling him that he's going to get his feelings hurt, but he doesn't care. He has to ask why. He needs to know why.   
  
"I mean no. I know you only want me to say 'I love you' back, but I'm not going to. I don't lie, so I'm not going to." Calum is shocked by the ferocity in her voice. It's unsettling.   
  
"You are not in love with me. You are in love with the idea of me. You have put me up on a pedestal so fucking high that you can't even see how ridiculous it is for you to say that you're in love with me." Panic replaces worry and grips him so aggressively that it's now getting hard to breathe. 

"You think you know me Calum? Well you don't. You don't know shit. I am not this whirlwind, generous, loving girl you think I am. I'm a bitch who uses and steals and cheats. I am not this amazing girl that your mind has made me out to me. I'm cold, unforgiving, and selfish. I am not the type of girl you should date let alone say 'I love you' to! I have got nothing, absolutely nothing, to offer you!" She screams.   
  
"Then I'll take it! I'll take whatever you can give me. I don't care! Just as long as it's you!" His voice is thick yet brittle. "It doesn't matter what you can give me. It really doesn't."  
  
"Yes it does Calum! Why can't you see that?" She asks.   
  
"I don't see it because it doesn't matter! I only want you. I only need you. Nothing else matters. Just as long as I'm with you. Please...I love you. I can't-"  
  
"Stop it!" She shrieks. Calum's eyes widen in surprise. "Just stop saying that! You don't love me! You can't love me! So just shut the fuck up!" She yanks harshly at the ends of her hair, sighing loudly. She then runs her hands over her face while taking in some deep breaths. Fear has now rooted Calum to his spot in the sand while it wraps both hands around his heart and his throat and squeezes like never before.   
  
"You don't love me and I most certainly do not love you." She hisses, her voice turning into airborne venom that enters his body and implodes it from within.   
  
"You can't-I don't-" Calum tries to say something to convince her otherwise, but only useless fragments and consonants fall from his mouth. His mind and heart and soul are shattered and he can't even try to piece them back together in time to keep her from turning away from him.   
  
"I can't do this Calum. You need to go." She tells him with her back to him. Her voice is flat and devoid of any emotion.   
  
"What?" Is the only word he can say.   
  
"You need to go!" She yells suddenly, turning around and throwing her keys at him. He catches them against his chest and ignores the smarting pain it inflicts. He's too focused on the distraught, screaming girl in front of him.  
  
"Just leave Calum! Go! Take my car, leave it out front, and stay the fuck away from me. You don't talk to me and I won't talk to you, okay? Lose my number, forget my name, and never contact me ever again! You got it?" She asks. Calum's mouth opens and closes like a fish. It seems to frustrate her because she yanks on the ends of her hair viciously and lets out a strangled scream.   
  
"Just go!" She shouts. Calum stumbles backwards, shocked and scared. He wants to stay and comfort her, but she told him to go, so just like the pathetic coward is, he goes. And he runs. He runs all the way back to her car, her deadly words echoing in his head. 

_You don't love me and I most certainly do not love you._

The words bring tears to his eyes as he collapses onto her car, a sob clawing its way up his throat. Calum shuts his eyes and tries to calm himself down, but the thoughts won't stop. Her words have triggered a serious panic attack. He hasn't had one of these in months.  
  
"Get it together man." He mumbles as he tries to find the car door handle. His thoughts won't focus and he can't do anything. He just wants to get to the hotel so he can break down in peace! Goddamn it!   
  
"Fucking hell!" He mutters, trying to yank the door open only to discover that it's locked. It takes him a minute to find the unlock button. It takes him another minute to slide in the front seat. It then takes him several to start the car and speed away from the beach.   
  
His hands are still shaking even though he's gripping the steering wheel as tight as possible. Her words are still swirling around in his head. They're growing bigger and bigger until they take up all the space left in it. They laugh and jeer at him, destroying him from the inside out.

_You're an idiot,_ they say. _You really thought she loved you? You idiot._   
  
Why did he tell her that he loved her? Why did he say that? She could never love him. He's too plain, too predictable. He's not the type of guy she needs.  
  
"I'm so stupid!" He shouts as he pulls up to a red light. He punches at the horn before collapsing into his hands. Heavy sobs start to rack through his body. The light changes  several more times before he's able to collect himself and drive back to his hotel.   
  
The second Calum sneaks back into his room, he yanks his clothes off and dives under the covers of his bed. He wraps them around him like a cocoon and shuts his eyes. There are dregs of his hysteria still in his system and they make him shake as if he's cold. His mind is cold and numb. Only her fiery words remain.   
  
Another cry comes up from his throat as he recalls the malice in her voice when she told him that she'd never love him. Calum bites down on his bottom lip, pushes his face into his pillow, and for the second time in a 15 minute span, he lets it all out.   
  
Calum cries and cries and cries. He cries for all the moments they'll never have. He cries for the small moments that will soon only be fond memories. He cries her and the fact that she won't let herself love and the animosity in her voice. He cries for himself and the fact that he's not allowed to love and the pain in his heart. He cries until he can cry no more.   
  
Soon the hours start to blur together and Calum falls into a light sleep, exhausted from the night's events. Just before he can fall into a deeper sleep, a small almost unsure knock is heard at his door. His body starts to tingle. _It's her,_ his subconscious tells him for the second time that night. 

Calum slowly gets out of bed and approaches the door. He's positive he's dreaming. She can't possibly be at his door. But if she is, what will he do? He sure as hell won't turn her away, but should he invite her in? This hurts his head. Calum shakes his head slightly and wipes the sleep from his eyes.   
  
When he finally reaches the door, he wraps his hand around the door handle and forces himself to open the door. The lights from the hallway flare into his eyes and make his vision go hazy. He blinks to focus them and when they do focus, he sucks in a harsh breath. It is her.   
  
"Cal?" There's a hopeful lilt in her voice that stirs up his love for her. He doesn't reply though, he just stares at her. She's really here, really in front of him after telling him to leave. Why?   
  
She meets his eyes and quickly looks away again. She's definitely nervous, but about what? Calum can't tell. He wants to ask, but is afraid that he'll say something else and she'll storm off again.   
  
"Oh Calum I'm so sorry." She almost whispers drawing him from his thoughts. Her eyes are focused on the slightly red spot that's in the center of his chest from when she threw her keys. Before he can even respond, she places her hands over the spot and rests her forehead against them. Her body tremors slightly. Calum's love and compassion overwhelm him and he wraps his arms around her.   
  
"It's fine, I'm fine." He murmurs in her ear.   
  
"No it's not," her voice is muffled by his chest. "I'm so sorry, so so sorry."   
  
Calum tilts her head back and strokes her hair back. Her eyes are red and stormy. "What's wrong baby?" He asks. He hates seeing her like this. It's breaking his heart.   
  
In response, she takes his face in her hands and presses her lips to his. He's stunned, his entire body goes stiff. She's kissing him again...why?   
  
"I should've never made you leave." She mutters against his lips.   
  
"It's fine though. I'm fine." He tells her, taking a step back. She looks so distraught. It's killing him. "Do you wanna talk babe?" He asks, his voice filled with concern. She shakes her head vehemently.   
  
"No talk, please. Just hold me please." She implores.   
  
"Yeah," he nods, swallowing back the lump in his throat. He lets go of her and gestures into the room. "Come in." She hugs herself and shuffles past him into the room. The action is so forlorn looking, he hates it.   
  
Sighing heavily, he closes and locks the door. Then he turns around to see her watching him with wet eyes. He opens his arms and beckons her towards him. She's in his arms within seconds, her arms wrapped around her middle, and her head resting in the small cavity in his chest. Calum shuts his eyes and presses his cheek against her head. She's hurting terribly, but hugging her feels like heaven on earth. All Calum wants to do is whisper how much he loves her in her ear. _That'll ruin everything though_ the voice inside his head tells him and he agrees. So he stays quiet and keeps his feelings inside. He keeps his feelings inside even though they're eating him alive. 

After a few minutes, she looks at him and opens her mouth. "Calum...I..." Her voice cracks. So does his heart.   
  
"Don't apologize anymore. It's fine, I'm fine." He insists. Her mouth forms a hard line. She glances away from him.   
  
"This isn't...I wasn't..." She sighs.   
  
"Then what is it?" He implores. His voice thick. She meets his eyes and wets her lips.   
  
"It's this." She whispers. She rises up onto her toes and kisses him for the third time that night. It ignites something within him and he begins to kiss back. His hands are in her hair, her hands are running all over his chest, and it feels good. It feels damn good.   
  
_Wait_ , the warning voice in his head cries out. Calum ignores it. When will he ever get this chance again?   
  
Her lips move from his and press themselves along his jaw until she reaches his ear. Her breath is hot and heavy. "I want you. I need you." She breathes. Calum groans. He wants her too. He needs her even more.   
  
The warning voice in his head is still telling him to stop and wait. Should he listen or should he give himself to her?   
  
Her teeth gently nip his ear. His body jolts. He's going to give himself to her. He wants to. He _needs_ to.   
  
"Please," he begs, "I need you too."   
  
"Then have me." She rasps. Calum doesn't need her to say anything else.   
  
He presses their lips together once more and moves his hands under her shirt. Her skin is soft and supple. He wants to properly take his time and cover every inch of it with his mouth and hands, but if he stops now, she will surely kill him.   
  
He peels her shirt over her head and throws it somewhere behind him. He presses frantic  kisses down her neck and stop just above her chest. Her black bra is extremely intimidating. He used to only imagine of what was underneath it, but now he's about to find out.   
  
He forces himself to meet her eyes as his fingertips skim the band of her bra. She sucks in a sharp breath. He finds the clasp and for once in his life, undoes it with ease. A simple brush of his fingers sends the straps cascading down her shoulders. The bra drops to the floor and she kicks it out of the way. His skin starts to hum with anticipation as she closes the space between them.   
  
Their chests touch and Calum's world is set ablaze.   
  
They kiss again, but it's much different than the previous four. This is pure, unbridled passion. This is love and lust and everything in between. This is hello and hopefully never goodbye.   
  
Calum is getting light-headed and dizzy. His blood has rushed south and let none in his head. His hands are shaking as she moves them to the top of her shorts. She wants him to undress her. She wants him to unwrap her.   
  
He stops kissing her and stares at the silver button that keeps her from him. It's small in size yet daunting in meaning. Undoing it would be like undoing himself. He's scared, but he does it anyway.   
  
Her shorts fall to the ground. His eyes are focused on the little white bow adorning her panties.   
  
"Go on." She urges. He nearly sinks to his knees. She's killing him. He can't do what she's asking, he can't. He's too weak. Too fucking weak.   
  
So instead he reconnects his lips to hers and runs his hands down her back, over her her ass, and grabs her thighs. He lifts her up, pulling her pelvis flush against his. She moans at the feeling. His knees turn to jelly. He takes a few staggering steps to his bed where he lands heavily, jostling her on his lap. It creates a delicious friction that has both of them moaning aloud. She instantly begins to grind down on him just as he begins to grind upwards. It sends them both reeling.

Dry-humping isn't enough though. Her hands move down to his boxers and play with the waistband. "Now, please,  _now_." She demands.   
  
Calum's heart and mind start to race. He twists his hands in her panties and tears them right at the seam. She inhales sharply and watches him as he pulls them off of her and drops them on the floor. Her eyes flicker down to his boxers and he nods. She stands and keeps her eyes on him as her fingertips curl into the waistband and pull them from his body.   
  
Then she straddles him again and locks his lips into another passionate kiss. He takes a firm hold of her ass and helps her lift up and sink down onto his cock. She cries out, her nails digging into his back. Calum bites down slightly on her collarbone at the feeling of her around him. She feels good. So fucking _good_.   
  
Together, they find a rhythm of her grinding down on him as he thrusts up into her. It's mind-blowing and world shattering. Calum can't breathe, can't speak. He can only love her like he's always wanted to.   
  
He cards his hands through her hair and kisses her deeply. When he feels something wet on his face he pulls back only to see that she's crying. He instantly wipes her tears away and kisses her gently. "We're okay, see? We're so - _fuck!_ \- okay?" He whispers. Nodding, she replies.   
  
"We're okay. We are - _jesus christ!_ \- so okay." She chokes out, biting down on his shoulder as he thrusts upwards. She wraps her arms around his neck as his find their place around her waist and they find their rhythm once more.    
  
Soon she comes around him. She cries out his name several times as she begs for help from above. Calum follows soon after, her name leaving his mouth followed loud moans. Then they sit there in silence, still coming down from the high that being connected gave them. Calum thinks she's going to make a move to leave, but she doesn't. She readjusts herself on his lap and lays her head on his chest. She doesn't want to leave. It makes him think that maybe she does love him after all.   
  
So, to maximize that feeling, he turns the both of them over and pulls the covers over them. As he falls into a light sleep, his lover wrapped in his arms, he hears her whisper something in his ear. It sounds like, "I love you Calum, so damn much."  
  
Those words send Calum into an ethereal world. He's diving inside of her and breathing in lungfuls of her love. She's washing over him like the ocean, the rain, the sun. He loves her and she loves him too. She might be lying, but it's such a sweet attempt that he decides to believe it even though the warning voice in his head is screaming for him to stop. He ignores it. He knows that it'll come back to bite him in the ass, but he still ignores it. The words themselves mean way too much.   
  
  
  
  
When he wakes up in the morning however to a cold bed, a missing shirt, a broken heart, he can't help but break into tears. He did tell himself that sleeping with her was a mistake. That _she_ was a mistake. But somehow, he still loves her. He will always love her.   
  
  
And that will surely be his downfall.   
  



End file.
